Blog

Happy New Year’s to you!  While many of us have wished to escape the uncertainties of 2020, we now find ourselves facing the same uncertainties in 2021.  My wish to you all is that you will take care of yourself during the new year, which includes the physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, and practical self-care.  See my previous blog about self-care for more ideas: https://hopeinhealingfamilyservices.com/self-care-sounds-amazing-but-it-is-easier-said-than-done/

If you or a loved one have/has been someone plagued by anxiety, depression, difficulty adjusting, or other stressors/traumas that are lingering from the previous year, and you have not yet sought professional counseling help, I would encourage you to start looking today.  At Hope In Healing Family Services, PLLC. we offer tele-therapy through a HIPPA compliant platform and we offer a sliding fee scale for those without insurance.  We do accept BCBS plans and will provide you with the documentation you need to seek reimbursement from other insurance providers if you wish to go that route.  We also take vendor payments from your local DSS for adopted children.  We offer a free ten minute consultation call to help you find out if you would like to move forward with scheduling the intake appointment.  If you feel that we are not a good fit for you, we will help you find another counselor that can provide what you  are looking for in your therapy sessions.  Our desire for you is to receive the support that will help you live a healthier and happier year in 2021!

Wishing you a blessed New Year!

Happy Thanksgiving from Hope in Healing Family Services, PLLC.

There are so many (mental health) benefits associated with Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact, many treatment programs incorporate the act of thanks giving. That’s right, by giving thanks you are actually giving yourself a mindset of gratitude and improving your own psychological well-being!

Having an attitude of gratitude improves self-esteem, and I actually use (along with some other cognitive behavioral therapy things) this with many of my teen girls and adult females struggling with low self-esteem and low self-image. Being grateful and expressing it to others improves your relationships, which in turn impacts your health positively. There are tons of other benefits you can find if you just conduct an online search about the benefits of gratitude.

There are so many things we are thankful for, here at Hope in Healing Family Services, PLLC. Things such as our faith, family, friends, freedom, and the upcoming fellowship and food. There is something else we are thankful for, and it certainly deserves to be recognized here on the website’s blog. That is our business. It constantly amazes me that this dream has come true, and that the business is growing! While it has been a long-time dream and much schooling and professional training have been part of the process, I also have to give thanks for the grace I’ve experienced through the process. And, what blessing it is to be able to walk alongside families and individuals as they navigate life’s challenges, heal from past wounds, and restore hope for a healthier life! We are extremely thankful to be a part of the lives of those we serve, to be able to share resources with others, and to simply be an operating business that provides therapeutic services. Happy Thanksgiving from us!

November is National Adoption Month! So, let’s talk about adoption and  what all comes along with it.

What comes to your mind when you first think of adoption?  Is it the parents who waited forever and then brought home the sweet baby from the hospital?  Is it the image of Wendy’s food chain restaurants and Dave Thomas Foundation?  Is it all the beautiful children that were adopted by Angelina Jolie? There are so many varied images that come to mind when you start to think about what you know and understand about adoption.  And, each family and child are different with different experiences.  Both positive and negative experiences will accompany each family, adopted or not.

Let’s start with the positive.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, and a wonderful opportunity for people to grow in their character, faith, and of course family.  Adoption is what most children waiting want to happen for them, and they hope to have loving parents.  For me, I think that the most positive experiences happen for the parents, as opposed to the child. While the most obvious is the joy that comes from just simply having a child and being entrusted with the responsibility over raising another human being, there are many more positive aspects to being the parent of an adopted child.  One of them is a thing I talk about with clients often- grace.  Parents of adopted children are going to experience, learn and be able to give grace like never before. Regardless of what causes it, the parent is going to make many mistakes along the way, which they will ultimately feel grace as they work through it.  Raising adopted children often looks very different from the culture that the parent grew up in, and it can be very hard to be different as a parent, but learning to do so helps the parent learn grace as well.  Adoptive parents also will be given so many chances to extend that grace to their adopted child as they respond to the true needs of the child versus the behaviors that are on display.  When you adopt a child, you not only get a member of your family but lots of grace to go along with it.  And, there are many other positives as well.

Not to be a glass half-empty kind of person, but there are also negatives that come along with adoption.  I believe that most of these negatives can be turned into something positive in the long run, but while they are being experienced it is hard to see that.  First of all, adoption in itself is a trauma.  Sometimes we don’t realize that because of all the positives, but it is a great loss for that child.  Even babies adopted right after birth are experiencing the loss of what they knew in utero.  Studies have been conducted to also show the negative impact on babies that were being carried by mothers who were living in toxic stress, which is often the case of mothers who consider placing their babies up for adoption.  For older children adoptions, there can be multiple other traumas that the child experiences- neglect, abuse, lack of food, shelter, security, and many other negative experiences. Adopting children “from hard places”, as the late Dr. Purvis would refer to adopted kids, often requires the parents to be a little more patient, flexible, and committed to the family relationship!

While not all families of adoption will need therapeutic services, many will. What often accompanies trauma is delays in learning, sensory processing needs and social/emotional difficulties. What can parents do when they realize their child needs more than just love and consistency in the home? Find mental health, speech and occupational therapists that have worked with adopted families, understand the impact of trauma, and will involve the parents in the child’s treatment. Make sure your mental health therapist is trained in trauma-informed models that are evidence-based. Find therapists trained in models like Child-parent Psychotherapy, Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Parent-child Interaction Therapy, Trust-based Relational Intervention and other models that involve parent and child.

 Happy National Adoption Month!

If you are interested in finding out more about statistics or other information, please visit the following websites:

Yes, election anxiety is a real thing.  The polls closed on Tuesday, and here we are still waiting for results.  Many of us have been on the edges of our seats with anticipation, anxiety, and either  hope or fear.  If you have been on any social media feed, you likely saw a variety of posts about different views and some strong opinions.  You may be doing the posting yourself.  Here are just a few things that I have heard others say: “I think that our country is going to have a civil war”, “The economy is going to be really bad”, “I am afraid that the KKK down the street is going to tie a noose around my neck”, “They can come try to take my guns if they want but there will be a fight”, “The whole country is going to shut down again”, “My husband’s business is already in trouble as it is”, “Get ready for the rioting again”, “People are going to die”, “Taxes are going to sky rocket and gas prices too”, “I am afraid for my child if he is elected”, and I could really go on and on here.  I share these with you to show that many people are experiencing election anxiety.  Many people are experiencing tense muscles, body aches, constant and distracting thoughts, and even getting physically sick.  While these symptoms may alleviate for some once our country has finally announced the winner of the presidential election, for others these feelings and thoughts will remain.  Because you matter, and so does your mental and physical health, here are a few tips on handling the election and post-election anxiety that you may be experiencing:

1. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.  Self-care is more than just going to the spa or taking a day off work, it includes your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, and practical self-care.  You may need to step away from social media for a while, spend time outdoors, meditate, pray, sing hymns or other uplifting songs, and even tell others that you are taking a break from talking politics for this week.  For more ideas on different kinds of self-care, read this blog post.

2. Understand your own values and beliefs.  If we all believed in the same values, there would be no need to have different political parties or other differing affiliations.  Take some time to think about why you believe what you believe in and what this means for you.  Once you consider your beliefs, think about the reason you voted or chose not to vote based on the beliefs.  They are your beliefs, and it is okay that you think one way that may be different from others.  Also, apply this same thinking to others when you feel strong emotions about the beliefs they are sharing.

3. Apply your other beliefs, the positive ones.  Do you have religious or faith beliefs that shed hope and peace on difficult situations?  Which scriptures, psalms, proverbs, songs or adages make you feel more at peace and with hope? Make post-it notes and stick them all over your bathroom mirror, around your t.v. frame, on your desk at work, and in your car.  Surround yourself with these positive post-it notes and read them whenever those anxious thoughts come creeping in your mind.  Read them over and over again, until you are thinking them on your own.  And, then you can replace the thoughts of anxiety and fear with hope and peace.

4. Seek support.  What natural supports do you have that can help during this time?  Not all family and friends make things better, especially when the beliefs you hold differ from theirs. Sometimes, these people can actually make things worse. If your family, friends, and other natural supports are not what you need at this time, seek professional support.  There is no shame in seeing a counselor to help you process and manage your anxiety in order to have better daily functioning.  Many therapists are trained in cognitive-behavior therapies that will help you decrease your election and post-election anxiety.

At this point, we are all over 2020.  And, while we really are getting nearer to the close on this year, it seems like times remain uncertain.  We continue to deal with COVID 19, which has taken such a toll on our mental health as a people.  For some, the anxiety of becoming sick and dying or your loved ones suffering from the virus, is almost debilitating.  For others, the fear of being mandated to get a vaccine or being separated from your children may become looming thought patterns.  Either way, it is likely that if you are experiencing fear and anxiety, you are suffering both mentally and physically.  You are also not alone in feeling this way.  You are not the only one who is experiencing mood swings, changes in behavior, and other symptoms related to what you are experiencing right now.  And, if you are not experiencing this, you likely know someone who is.  There have been many studies completed and statistics published during COVID 19 about the mental health impact, disparities of populations receiving treatment during COVID 19, and ideas for supporting mental health during the pandemic. Statistics from the CDC, NIMH, SAMHSA, and other well-known groups can be found by simply searching for mental health statistics and COVID 19 online.  While it is now not a surprise that many are facing mental health challenges as a result of the pandemic, it is surprising that some people are not reaching out for help.  While the barriers may be different for each person, those barriers can be overcome.  If you recognize a change in attitude or behavior in a family member, friend or co-worker, please talk with them and refer them to a counselor who can help them work through what they are experiencing.  There are many therapists that are working with tele-health now, and there are some that will meet face-to-face for those who prefer that.  Even help them find a counselor they will be comfortable with, be it by finding someone with a specific sex, age, race, or training.  Help them understand how they can navigate insurance or that they have the option to avoid using insurance/diagnosis altogether if that is the concern.  There are counselors who will take private pay, and some counselors offer a sliding scale fee to help those without insurance or wishing to not receive a diagnosis.  What is most important is that we do not continue to add to the statistics, and we can do that by receiving or encouraging mental health care.

I want to share with you something that is super helpful in both managing your child’s behavior and strengthening your relationship. It’s so simple, too, but it does require a conscious effort. By following your child’s lead, s/he will feel more connected with you (the parent) and therefore be more apt to follow through with your requests. Easy, right? Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Let’s look at what can make it so.

If following the lead of your child is so beneficial, you might be wondering what could possibly get in the way of doing so. Well, many things. Daily stressors for starters. If you are like most, the daily demands of life are nothing less than exhausting. And, if you are balancing work with raising children or are a single parent, it’s tough! You come home, and you are too tired to get down on the floor and play with a child who has so much high energy. So many responsibilities to manage and stressors popping up in your mind. It’s hard to just be fully present in the here and now, let alone enter a child’s fantastical pretend world. Maybe you are physically ill or bogged down by sadness, grief, anxiety, and your own traumatic experiences. It’s hard to play with your child and engage in their thinking, what often times can seem silly, world.

If there are so many barriers to following the child’s lead, what can make it easier? Simply engaging in small amounts of play together will help. Start with small doses, whatever you have to give. Even if you are ill, you can engage from your chair or wherever you are stationary. Let your guard down and be silly. Something magical will happen, you will feel good! When you see your child look you in the eyes, and you know that in that moment you mean the world to them, it will give you strength to keep doing it. As you build up your endurance to join them on their level in play or interest-led activity, you will find it becoming easier. When you become vulnerable and let them lead, you will see their self-esteem increase as they learn their value through your interactions. That, dear caregiver, will motivate you and make it easier. Are you wondering if that’s it? Once you start following their lead, it just becomes easy and distraction free? No, sadly, it still will require conscious effort. And, there will be those very challenging days!

So what about those really tough days? Like Nike says, “just do it”. Be conscious and put in the effort. If you only have five minutes, give it. Play a quick game of I-spy, tickles, or whatever it is that will make your kiddo feel cared about in that small amount of time. You won’t regret it. And, a few minutes spent here and now will save on a lot of time later!

Not only am I a therapist but I am a mom. Owning my own practice and working full time can be very busy. Add to that parenting, marriage, and household demands, it’s down right taxing on me! Even though I know this easy ingredient for a successful family recipe, I can want to skip it for a quick fix. But I try to apply my conscious effort and remember how much better the flavor of the relationship will be with just a dash of following my kid’s lead. Here are a few things we resort to: tickle time, one round of hide-n-seek, and (no matter where you are) rock, paper, scissors. When we have more time we may play a video game together (one I understand!) or go ride bikes together. Our big, big thing is producing YouTube videos. Now, that is definitely following his lead! (See more about that on this blog post: Https://familycare.home.blog/2020/10/18/youtube-kids-and-becoming-a-producer-instead-of-just-a-consumer/ ). You know your child, find what s/he loves! And, just do it.

If you find yourself so bogged down that you can’t enjoy the time playing with your child, consider finding a play-based, dyadic therapy model/program with a clinician who is trained in attachment and family relationships. Or, if you have concerns about how your child is responding to you during your attempts to follow his/her lead, consider therapy. If that’s where you are finding yourself now, please contact me and I will be happy to help you locate resources that meet your needs, based on where you are. And, if in doubt, reach out!

Also, feel free to add your own ideas about following your child’s lead in the comments so other parents can glean information!

We have all joked about 2020 because “it is better to laugh than to cry” but I don’t think we all realized that what started at the beginning of the year was going to carry on over to the next school year.  I work with quite a few parents that have children in school, and they are not happy about the virtual school or school at home option!  These parents are feeling stressed out because their kids are difficult.  That’s right, some kids are just more difficult than others.  Some kids are very strong-willed (which can be a positive quality but not when it comes to not wanting to do the school work), have big feelings and behaviors, have experienced traumas that cause a lot of difficulty when it comes to the academics.  These kids often have special needs, be it attention or learning disabilities or other cognitive limitations that hinder the ability to watch a lesson, practice it, and master that skill.  The parents of these kids are really struggling right now, and they are wondering how they will survive this school year.  If you find yourself feeling like this parent right about now, then this blog post is for you!

1.  Time for school- First of all, know that you don’t have to do school at home.  While you may be given times by the school to be logged in to the platform they are using for the synchronous part of the lesson, the asynchronous learning times of the day can be flexible.  It is better for you to work with your child during the time of day that they are going to be most engaged than to struggle through the whole day.  If they do their best while eating lunch, then that can become the time to practice those lessons.  For reading assignments, consider what time of day will they best be able to focus.  Does this need to be first thing in the morning before their attention goes other places or does it need to be at the end of the day after they are tired and have done all the other things they had on their mind? Can you do this in the bed together and incorporate it into your bedtime ritual?
2. Home is home, not a classroom- I think desks are cute and charts on the walls make me happy, but you don’t need to turn your home into the school.  Don’t stress on purchasing items that you don’t necessarily need.  You are going to have enough to do just by monitoring your child’s completing their assignments.  You have a kitchen table, and if that location is too distracting for the child, put them on a couch in a living room.  If they are responsible enough to work in their room or another room that is distraction free, try that. You may be spending a few hours helping your child learn, so make sure the location is comfortable for you and that you will be able to focus as well.
3. Understanding Responsibility- This is touchy, I know.  As a parent, I can relate to feeling the pressure of wanting your child to succeed and do well.  However, a child learning from his own mistakes will make for very success in mastery.  When a child seems to be ambivalent about learning and getting the work load completed, it can be very frustrating.  We can get trapped in a tornado of thoughts that are futuristic and catastrophic, which do no good at all.  But, allowing our child to experience their own consequences and learn from them will help create on outlasting success skill for your child.
4. Self-care is essential- As a parent who works full-time and has home-schooled two children with different special needs, I know the amount of stress it puts a parent under.  If the parent, who is also the teacher or even the learning coach, is super stressed out, it is going to pour out into that home classroom!  It will spill right on over and that does no one any good.  I urge you to take care of yourself first, even if it is just ten minutes in the morning in prayer or meditation and ten minutes at the end of the day in a hot bath.  There may be ways to incorporate healthy eating and exercise or stretching into the school routine at home, benefiting you and the kiddo.  Haven’t you heard, “If Mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?
5. Cut back the tech.  I know, this sounds crazy when the kids will be using so much time on tech just to get in the classwork.  But, there have been numerous studies done- go google it right now- on how exposure to tech and social media impacts children (and adults). So, make that plan of when things need to be done by tech and then re-charge with out the tech.  Maybe play board games together (they teach so many educational and life skills!) or go outside for a walk or bike ride together. Time in nature seems to do some good grounding.  Cook together, but walk away from the constant input of immediate gratification and screen time.
6. Find ways to get socialization for everyone. Unless you, your child, or someone in your family is at high-risk, find a way to get some socialization in by following safety measures.  You need to talk to other adults and your kids need to see other kids.  If you have a large family, no problem.  If you are raising a single child and stuck in the same place together twenty-four seven, you might both be on edge already!  Find opportunities in your area that allow you to be safe.  If you are at high-risk find virtual opportunities.