Even though the topic of race may not be one of the majorly controversial topics of 2020, it is still a subject that people may not feel is in need of much discussion. This blog post is designed for all readers to take away information based on my professional experience, but I am writing with one particular audience in mind: bi-racial and trans-racial families. While it is important for all children to grow up understanding and accepting differences in skin color and cultures, it is crucial for children who have parents that look different from them to hear about such differences.
Silence Says Something about Race Attitudes
Silence says something. When a mom and dad don’t acknowledge the differences in the color of a child they are raising, it says something. I recently heard a colleague say, “I want you to see my color” as he was emphasizing the importance of seeing the whole person. If you look different from your child and you never talk about it, what message does that send to the child? The child is going to notice they don’t look like you and possibly even that they don’t look like anyone around them.
I have read so many blogs and books from children adopted internationally that have led me to realize the struggle to be so different in a community of others. It leaves one questioning much of their identity and feeling as if they don’t belong when the differences are ignored. And, working with many bi-racial children has left me well aware of the unique struggles that come from feeling different even when you are the product of two parents that expose you to both sides of the races.
It is really difficult when the child is left feeling like they don’t fit into either race and that they are less valuable as a result. Or, in either case, it is rather tragic when a child grows up feeling dirty or damaged for their differences because it was never really accepted and acknowledged by those adults. It is important for children to learn their story, learn their cultural back grounds, and even learn the possible responses they may get (and why) from others in certain situations.
Red, yellow, black and white
Red, yellow, black, and white… it goes beyond singing Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World. Sometimes it can be difficult for parents to point out the differences of a child they adopted or are step-parenting because of possible emotional needs/wounds that the parent has or because of fears. But, I believe in “speaking the unspeakable” and having those difficult conversations.
Children are resilient and are willing to talk about what they notice, much more likely than the adults are usually. I remember when my own son was either a late five or early six, he questioned, “I’m white?” and that was when our conversations in skin color differences started. We had read books, had dolls on display, and shared much about his heritage before but never really tried to categorize him. Even though we explained that he was Filipino and Asian-American now, he still didn’t see where he fit in.
About a year and a half later he came home and asked, “Am I black?” so we had to revisit the conversation again. Another time, we were reading a popular kid’s series of books and when we read about Jackie Robinson and all the kids with brown skin not being able to swim in the pool but one day a week while the white kids got to swim all other days, he looked up at me with confusion and sadness. We had to explore that. And, of course, as he is older now and listens to the radio, we have had to have lots of conversations.
Where to start when talking about Race
Where do we start? Well, I would say start anywhere and anytime. I have a special preference towards books, but toys work just as well. When you lay out dolls of different colors, kids realize the shades vary and that may spark a conversation. I will list some book resources that you can read to your children and spark discussions below with links to purchase them.
(The link for Usborne Books and More is from my personal page, and I do receive commission from any purchases from that direct page.) (Amazon links are affiliate links, and I receive compensation from purchases directly from the links.)
Usborne Books
That’s Not My Zebra’s Colors.
This cute children’s book is a board book to start with the youngest of children. It shares a story of a zebra wanting to have the same skin as other animals but then understanding the uniqueness and benefit in his own type of skin. https://u8581.myubam.com/p/6993/thats-not-my-zebras-colors
Here and There
Here and There is a book that explores the different cultures of people around the world. If you are wanting a specific country or culture to be included, please check to see if the country you are looking for is included before purchasing. https://u8581.myubam.com/p/6829/here-and-there
The Human Body (Shine-a-light).
This book is a non-fiction, science subject type of book but it represents different shades of people throughout the book, even in the section about skin. This book can open the door to talk about differences in how skins look. https://u8581.myubam.com/p/5869/human-body-the-shine-a-light
Babies Come from Airports
If you have adopted internationally, this is just a very cute book to explain how a child came to be with his parents. However, it also represents three children of all different colors and likely heritage in the story. This will definitely open the door for discussions about race, differences among family members, and more. https://u8581.myubam.com/p/6186/babies-come-from-airports
Amazon Books
Same Difference
This book highlights the differences between the looks of two cousins. They are very similar in all things they like to do but notice differences in skin color and hair texture.
It has a lyrical, upbeat air that begs to be read aloud and offers an engaging rhyme pattern for young children. Vivid illustrations capture the spirit and innocence of Lida and Lisa, two first cousins who find themselves at odds with each other over their physical differences. With the help of their wise grandmother, the girls soon realize that their bond is deeper than what they see and our differences are what make us beautiful.
I Like Myself
This board book is for all ages. It journey’s through the main character discussing all the things that makes a unique and likable self.
High on energy and imagination, this ode to self-esteem encourages kids to appreciate everything about themselves—inside and out. Messy hair? Beaver breath? So what! Here’s a little girl who knows what really matters.
At once silly and serious, Karen Beaumont’s joyous rhyming text and David Catrow’s wild illustrations unite in a book that is sassy, soulful . . . and straight from the heart. The sturdy board book is just right for little hands.